; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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