You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
