we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
