And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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