think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You made out with two different species that night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
