You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
