I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
