i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
