college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
