Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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