I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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