yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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