I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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