we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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