you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
