saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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