You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
