he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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