I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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