Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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