forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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