My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
