im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
