Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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