First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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