will power is for people who don't want to get laid
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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