Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
