This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
