You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize