I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
