i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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