I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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