I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
