My first STD was from a foam party
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
