Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize