I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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