I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
