Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
