I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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