I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My vagina just clenched in fear
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
