dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
