Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
