How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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