Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just invented taco cereal.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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