We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
