I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
