Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
