Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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