dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
