i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
