she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
