Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
