She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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