anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
