walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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