This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
