If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
