I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize