Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
