Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
