I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why is your signature on my underwear?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
