moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Randomize
