i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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