Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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