my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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