they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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